Dreams.

My dreams have always been very vivid. And very ridiculous. Once, I had a dream that my step father was trying to kill me and he was a vampire. I killed him with garlic salt. Trust me, I wish I was kidding. But I'm just not.

So a few weeks ago, I had a REALLY strange dream that my friend Jenn asked me to blog about. Because she was involved and maybe because it was freaking ridiculous. So here ya go, have a laugh.


It's the middle of the night. We are all sleeping. All the sudden there are lights flashing in our windows and noises of aircrafts outside. A foreign language is being yelled through a speaker. I rush to get my girls out of bed and we huddle in the living room. Then I glimpse a helicopter through the window. I realize who it is the second bullets tear through the air in to my home. Bob comes running in as I shout "The North Koreans are here for us!" He grabs a gun and starts shooting back. I'm trying to calmly get the girls and I some things together while dodging bullets left and right. As soon as it starts, it ends. So I grab the phone and dial my good friend Jenn. She answers on the first ring and tells me to come on over, the Koreans will never think to look there. We gather our things and quietly exit the door as the sun is coming up. We walk and walk and eventually come to a large parking lot. There are several cars parked. We notice one of them has a couple in it. Awake. And watching us. We cross in front of the vehicle cautiously as I hear an old Taking Back Sunday song softly from their car speakers, a signal we are on the same side. As we head around to the other side of the parking lot we pass a dumpster filled with deactivated storm troopers. Slowly we single file towards the tall building at the end of lot. We make our way up the elevator to Jenn's floor (very high up) and I go to open the door. James, her husband stares at me and closes the door. I notice he has a very detailed beard (which is obviously strange because that man has a baby face!) and I ponder this as we open the correct door. Jenn yells, "Come in!" and we file into the kitchen, where Jenn is currently making and canning peach jam.


Then I woke up and thought "What the mother fuck." and texted Jenn to tell her. Hahaha. See? WHAT THE.

Repeating Chameleon.

Just an idea I'm thinking about. I have two sort of strong ideas right now, constantly in my head. Back and forth which do I go with first? The bigger problem is that I haven't done more than think about either one in quite some time. I haven't made time for writing because, everything else is taking up my time. EXCUSES. I'm good at that.

But seriously, going to the ER will do that to you. It put me out of commission for at least a week and once that happens, its easy to go back to not doing anything. 

The only thing that's different with my life right now is that I can't eat meat/fat with out feeling like I'm going to keel over and die from abdominal pain. That and the fact that I'm constantly second guessing myself. Oh wait, that's the same. Sometimes anxiety never changes and thing never change.

There's that idea again. Change.

Tick tock!

I've seriously sat down to write this entry THREE times and have been more busy today than ever.


Which, I don't understand because its Friday and usually that involves a whole lot of nothing for me.


It's just been one of those days for me. Go go go.

Delilah had her first parent teacher conference today, and I was happy with the outcome. The only real issue she spoke of is Delilah's aversion to being corrected. She prefers to be right. Haha. If this is a preview for the next 15 years of her life, I'll have enough material for several books.


Chloe is potty training nicely! Today is the first day she's had *knock on wood* no accidents.

There's probably more I could talk about, deeper stuff. But I just don't have the damn time.

Also....I am trying to do grateful pics, but my phone is lame and doesn't like to upload them nicely. Hence the minimal writing with said pics..

Now, I'm off to do what I do best. Read and cook. :)

Lazy weekend.

It's So Nice to sit And relax with her.

This.

365 grateful

Whilst on the great book of face this morning, I saw this:
http://www.upworthy.com/you-take-zillions-of-photos-with-your-cellphone-why-not-try-something-new-with-them


And I watched it. And I thought that it sounded like a good idea. I'm not sure I'll do it everyday. Because...I'm me. But I want to at least try. Here's my first attempt.

This picture is a little over a year old. But our computer crashed and I don't know where the hard drive is...So today I'm thankful for my family. Those girls, that guy. Just. They are pretty much everything.

New Year bruhahaha

This last year has been an interesting one to say the least. It wasn't the hardest year I've seen, nor was it the easiest. I felt like there were several situations that were out of my control, that I tried very hard to be in control of, if that makes sense.

I had to learn to let go of things. People, feelings. That type of thing. I also realized that I was holding on to some of the wrong people and feelings. I have always had a bit of anxiety. But this year it sort of...got out of control. I know I will never be a stress free person. But I think this year has taught me more about looking at the bigger picture than the right now. There's always something on the other side. There's always going to be people that care and people that don't. 

I started writing again. Maybe not big news to some, but big enough for me. I wrote probably half of a novel before I got stuck. And maybe I won't finish my story of April. Maybe I will. But the good news is once you release that creativity, it flows. I have all these ideas in my head. Maybe crappy, maybe amazing. But the ideas are in there, floating around, ready to be made in to something.

We moved all the way across the country! It was an overdue thing, in my mind. I love moving. Starting over. Change. I think that's part of the reason I don't finish things. I move on too quickly to the next thing to settle in and actually finish.

I started running! And then I crashed and burned...and stopped running. I plan on doing something eventually. I just need to actually do it, which is easier said than done when your kids always need something and you're always tired and you have 800 excuses to NOT do anything.

I'm not the type to make resolutions, because I always have felt like that puts too much pressure on life.

But I am going to try harder.

Harder to be the mom I want to be.

I'm going to try to write at least a short story once a week.

I'm going to finish the damn Outlander series (Right Jenn?!).

I'm giving up soda with Tiffany.

I want to start daily devotionals with my kids. 

I want to do more for me. Even writing that, I feel selfish. I do. If it weren't up to my sanity, I'd probably say "Screw it!" and continue to never do anything for myself, ever. But I feel like I'm at that point in my life where you really see that things like this matter. How can I be a better wife and mother if I'm not respecting myself enough to take care of me? I like to think I do a lot for others. And I will continue to. That's just who I am. But if I need a break, I need a break. 

Here's to the new year and to a new effort!