New Year bruhahaha

This last year has been an interesting one to say the least. It wasn't the hardest year I've seen, nor was it the easiest. I felt like there were several situations that were out of my control, that I tried very hard to be in control of, if that makes sense.

I had to learn to let go of things. People, feelings. That type of thing. I also realized that I was holding on to some of the wrong people and feelings. I have always had a bit of anxiety. But this year it sort of...got out of control. I know I will never be a stress free person. But I think this year has taught me more about looking at the bigger picture than the right now. There's always something on the other side. There's always going to be people that care and people that don't. 

I started writing again. Maybe not big news to some, but big enough for me. I wrote probably half of a novel before I got stuck. And maybe I won't finish my story of April. Maybe I will. But the good news is once you release that creativity, it flows. I have all these ideas in my head. Maybe crappy, maybe amazing. But the ideas are in there, floating around, ready to be made in to something.

We moved all the way across the country! It was an overdue thing, in my mind. I love moving. Starting over. Change. I think that's part of the reason I don't finish things. I move on too quickly to the next thing to settle in and actually finish.

I started running! And then I crashed and burned...and stopped running. I plan on doing something eventually. I just need to actually do it, which is easier said than done when your kids always need something and you're always tired and you have 800 excuses to NOT do anything.

I'm not the type to make resolutions, because I always have felt like that puts too much pressure on life.

But I am going to try harder.

Harder to be the mom I want to be.

I'm going to try to write at least a short story once a week.

I'm going to finish the damn Outlander series (Right Jenn?!).

I'm giving up soda with Tiffany.

I want to start daily devotionals with my kids. 

I want to do more for me. Even writing that, I feel selfish. I do. If it weren't up to my sanity, I'd probably say "Screw it!" and continue to never do anything for myself, ever. But I feel like I'm at that point in my life where you really see that things like this matter. How can I be a better wife and mother if I'm not respecting myself enough to take care of me? I like to think I do a lot for others. And I will continue to. That's just who I am. But if I need a break, I need a break. 

Here's to the new year and to a new effort!