Write, right?

This year for mother's day, I received so many presents. Delilah's school did a very cute presentation (yes, I teared up) and I got her hand prints and a flower. Bob gave me a $25 barnes and noble gift card and a new journal. I'm so happy he got me the journal. I've had several notebooks through out the years and never really used them for what I intend to. There's always another list to be made or directions to write down or recipes to copy.

So in the last week I've written twice. Nothing of substantial story material, but I'm getting there. Sometimes there's nothing like the feel of a new journal and pen.

I've also been quite productive on my pinterest boards, haha. I rearranged our room last night and can't wait to start doing the pinterest crafts to make it more homey. Sometimes you just need a change!

Daily adventures of not having a gall bladder

Last I wrote, I was doing the whole30 challenge. I completed it! I felt good about what I did, but really didn't feel any awesome effects from it. And I didn't lose that much weight, however a few of my friends (who did the challenge) think it has something to do with my gall bladder. Back in January I had a major malfunction, which was apparently my first ever gall bladder attack. And after 3 months of pain and anguish, they finally yanked that sucker out.

I should mention, part of the pain and anguish was my own doing. I really didn't want to get my gall bladder taken out if I didn't need it to be done. So after the scan showing my little gb was only functioning at 2%, it was decided that I needed it out.

However, I'd like to know WHY it went bad. The doctor was kind of a jerk about the whole thing. I explained to him that I'd been low fat for quite some time, and it puzzled me that my gall bladder had gone "bad". He really didn't care.

But I do. I want to know why I am not losing weight. I want to know why it went bad. You only have one body (okay, most people only have one body. If you believe in reincarnation, disregard) and I want to know why it decided to give up on a vital organ.

I am going to start looking into this more. In between watching Sailor Moon videos on youtube, anyway.

So far I haven't really eaten anything other than soup, but I'm not yet a week post op and frankly, I don't really want the side effects I've been warned about.

And also.

Today is also day 2 of my whole30 journey. I have always struggled with my weight. I was pretty much always a little fluffy. I used to say "Oh I was a chubby kid." But now that I've grown up a little, I see that I wasn't all that chubby. I was just, not skinny. And that's okay. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being in my "fat" phase after high school again.

What's not okay is how much I love sugar. And carbs. Oh the carbs! Delicious.

Not that good for you. So the last few months, I had really taken a look at what I was eating. I went for the "healthy" carbs. I would have the greek yogurt. I made everything from scratch. Eliminated so many preservatives. And I still wasn't losing any weight.

Then I had a gall bladder attack. Oh boy, that wasn't fun at all. So after that, I had realized meat was a big trigger. So I avoided meat for almost two months. I would eat some here and there. And at first, I was losing. Then it kind of stalled. The number would go up and down, again. One day, I had lost. Five days later, I was right back where I started. I know that most people fluctuate. And that's okay. But its not okay to fluctuate where I'm currently at. So my good friend (more like sister), Jenn, had told me about this "whole 30" thing she was doing. And I told her straight up that I wouldn't be able to do it. I think I even said "But I love milk too much!" And I'm pretty sure her insightful response was something along the lines of, "You'd be surprised at what you CAN do for your health!" Then I checked the book, It Starts With Food, out from the library. At first I skipped around reading this rule or that. And then I sat down and REALLY read the book. And wow. So much information! What really got me was, my typical day was some one who had been eating "healthy" but not a whole30 day. And it said, do you struggle weight loss? Sleep? Staying focused? I realized then that I was sold and needed to try it. I'm stuck in a rut with my body. I need to change something. The more I read, the more I talked about it, the more excited I became. My husband recently found out he has arthritis in his back. One thing that whole30 helps. He was getting excited.

I know its only day 2, but I'm still feeling confident in this decision. There will be times where I will question my ability to say "no" to certain food. I know this. It's something I've struggled with my whole life. I'm hopeful that this will stick with me. I know Rome wasn't built in a day and I won't lose everything I want to in a month. But this is about more than that. I'm more concerned with my overall health than just getting rid of the pounds.

In short, if you see me trying to sneak chocolate in the next 30 days, feel free to give me a talking to.

REMEMBER BONNIE. Fighting cancer is hard. Kicking heroin is hard. But going on a restricted diet for 30 days? Not that hard.

National Autism Day

Today is National Autism Awareness day. My kids, do not have autism. No one in my immediate family is on the spectrum. However, I do know several people with children/relatives on the spectrum. The causes are unknown.

But what I do know, is that there are moms out there who need support. They don't want to hear "I'm sorry" because they aren't. They don't want to asked "How do you do it?" because they just do. Autism is a part of their children's lives, and it makes them who they are. They aren't perfect, no one is. But the day to day isn't always easy, and it isn't always hard. I sometimes feel like I don't say the "right" thing, and its so easy to offend people these days, so please, if you are reading this and I get it wrong, that's not my intention. I hope that maybe viewing some of the blogs that you'll at least get a better appreciation for these moms who let their kids be who they are with out judgement and without trying to mold their kids to fit something they aren't. I hope that maybe, if your friends choose to vent to you about their child's struggles, you'll just listen and allow them to get it out. No need to find answers, just to be an ear for them.

This blog will take you my friend Kristy's blog. I have known her for seven years! Granted, it was through an online community for pregnancy, but she's still someone I have admired through out the years. She and a few others have really become more than just "internet" friends. She's been through a lot. She works so hard. I'm blessed to see this all the time in her face book posts and messages. She's a mom, like I am, trying her best, like the rest of us.

http://www.kristinewyllys.com/2014/04/throwing-open-curtains-and-stimming.html?spref=fb

Life and Death

Some times, grief swallows us whole. Takes us into its belly and drowns us. It takes every ounce of strength we have to fight our way out, swim against the waters and make it back to shore. 

And when we do, we'll stand up, brush the sand off and carry on. Changed, but the same. 

We lost Grandma Lana last week, and it was rough. She was such a natural, spiritual light that I know I hadn't appreciated nearly enough in the short time I knew her. We all take this time for granted, thinking "there's always tomorrow." Well, there's not. We aren't promised any time. The thing that makes me feel grateful for the time I had, is that I know its not the end. I know, in my heart, we will see each other in heaven. It will be as if we'd never had to say goodbye to such an amazing, loving person. Our hearts will be full and content.

Until then, we are going to continue to live. And maybe, be a little bit more like Lana. More loving, more giving. To enjoy the little things more. To smile just to brighten up the day. And to pray for those who need it. 

Dreams.

My dreams have always been very vivid. And very ridiculous. Once, I had a dream that my step father was trying to kill me and he was a vampire. I killed him with garlic salt. Trust me, I wish I was kidding. But I'm just not.

So a few weeks ago, I had a REALLY strange dream that my friend Jenn asked me to blog about. Because she was involved and maybe because it was freaking ridiculous. So here ya go, have a laugh.


It's the middle of the night. We are all sleeping. All the sudden there are lights flashing in our windows and noises of aircrafts outside. A foreign language is being yelled through a speaker. I rush to get my girls out of bed and we huddle in the living room. Then I glimpse a helicopter through the window. I realize who it is the second bullets tear through the air in to my home. Bob comes running in as I shout "The North Koreans are here for us!" He grabs a gun and starts shooting back. I'm trying to calmly get the girls and I some things together while dodging bullets left and right. As soon as it starts, it ends. So I grab the phone and dial my good friend Jenn. She answers on the first ring and tells me to come on over, the Koreans will never think to look there. We gather our things and quietly exit the door as the sun is coming up. We walk and walk and eventually come to a large parking lot. There are several cars parked. We notice one of them has a couple in it. Awake. And watching us. We cross in front of the vehicle cautiously as I hear an old Taking Back Sunday song softly from their car speakers, a signal we are on the same side. As we head around to the other side of the parking lot we pass a dumpster filled with deactivated storm troopers. Slowly we single file towards the tall building at the end of lot. We make our way up the elevator to Jenn's floor (very high up) and I go to open the door. James, her husband stares at me and closes the door. I notice he has a very detailed beard (which is obviously strange because that man has a baby face!) and I ponder this as we open the correct door. Jenn yells, "Come in!" and we file into the kitchen, where Jenn is currently making and canning peach jam.


Then I woke up and thought "What the mother fuck." and texted Jenn to tell her. Hahaha. See? WHAT THE.

Repeating Chameleon.

Just an idea I'm thinking about. I have two sort of strong ideas right now, constantly in my head. Back and forth which do I go with first? The bigger problem is that I haven't done more than think about either one in quite some time. I haven't made time for writing because, everything else is taking up my time. EXCUSES. I'm good at that.

But seriously, going to the ER will do that to you. It put me out of commission for at least a week and once that happens, its easy to go back to not doing anything. 

The only thing that's different with my life right now is that I can't eat meat/fat with out feeling like I'm going to keel over and die from abdominal pain. That and the fact that I'm constantly second guessing myself. Oh wait, that's the same. Sometimes anxiety never changes and thing never change.

There's that idea again. Change.

Tick tock!

I've seriously sat down to write this entry THREE times and have been more busy today than ever.


Which, I don't understand because its Friday and usually that involves a whole lot of nothing for me.


It's just been one of those days for me. Go go go.

Delilah had her first parent teacher conference today, and I was happy with the outcome. The only real issue she spoke of is Delilah's aversion to being corrected. She prefers to be right. Haha. If this is a preview for the next 15 years of her life, I'll have enough material for several books.


Chloe is potty training nicely! Today is the first day she's had *knock on wood* no accidents.

There's probably more I could talk about, deeper stuff. But I just don't have the damn time.

Also....I am trying to do grateful pics, but my phone is lame and doesn't like to upload them nicely. Hence the minimal writing with said pics..

Now, I'm off to do what I do best. Read and cook. :)

Lazy weekend.

It's So Nice to sit And relax with her.

This.

365 grateful

Whilst on the great book of face this morning, I saw this:
http://www.upworthy.com/you-take-zillions-of-photos-with-your-cellphone-why-not-try-something-new-with-them


And I watched it. And I thought that it sounded like a good idea. I'm not sure I'll do it everyday. Because...I'm me. But I want to at least try. Here's my first attempt.

This picture is a little over a year old. But our computer crashed and I don't know where the hard drive is...So today I'm thankful for my family. Those girls, that guy. Just. They are pretty much everything.

New Year bruhahaha

This last year has been an interesting one to say the least. It wasn't the hardest year I've seen, nor was it the easiest. I felt like there were several situations that were out of my control, that I tried very hard to be in control of, if that makes sense.

I had to learn to let go of things. People, feelings. That type of thing. I also realized that I was holding on to some of the wrong people and feelings. I have always had a bit of anxiety. But this year it sort of...got out of control. I know I will never be a stress free person. But I think this year has taught me more about looking at the bigger picture than the right now. There's always something on the other side. There's always going to be people that care and people that don't. 

I started writing again. Maybe not big news to some, but big enough for me. I wrote probably half of a novel before I got stuck. And maybe I won't finish my story of April. Maybe I will. But the good news is once you release that creativity, it flows. I have all these ideas in my head. Maybe crappy, maybe amazing. But the ideas are in there, floating around, ready to be made in to something.

We moved all the way across the country! It was an overdue thing, in my mind. I love moving. Starting over. Change. I think that's part of the reason I don't finish things. I move on too quickly to the next thing to settle in and actually finish.

I started running! And then I crashed and burned...and stopped running. I plan on doing something eventually. I just need to actually do it, which is easier said than done when your kids always need something and you're always tired and you have 800 excuses to NOT do anything.

I'm not the type to make resolutions, because I always have felt like that puts too much pressure on life.

But I am going to try harder.

Harder to be the mom I want to be.

I'm going to try to write at least a short story once a week.

I'm going to finish the damn Outlander series (Right Jenn?!).

I'm giving up soda with Tiffany.

I want to start daily devotionals with my kids. 

I want to do more for me. Even writing that, I feel selfish. I do. If it weren't up to my sanity, I'd probably say "Screw it!" and continue to never do anything for myself, ever. But I feel like I'm at that point in my life where you really see that things like this matter. How can I be a better wife and mother if I'm not respecting myself enough to take care of me? I like to think I do a lot for others. And I will continue to. That's just who I am. But if I need a break, I need a break. 

Here's to the new year and to a new effort!

Deep.

Some times life is too much. I mean, we keep going. We keep fighting demons and at the end of the day, we find the light from the dark corner.

The thing is, when you get sick of fighting, some thing happens. Something always happens that brings you back to your fight stance.

I'm talking about cancer. No, not me. But someone who is a very big deal to me.

This friend, she's more like my older sister. One that I never had (even though I did). One that gives me that mom advice without being my mom. She tells me its okay to not want to do things all the time. She prays for me. She's prayed with me. Over the phone. In person. She's just. Her. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I know that from however many miles away from her I am, she'll be there for me if I need her.

So here I am, going about my life, figuring things out. Not wanting to deal with certain things, not wanting to move forward and become SOMEONE here. Totally happy to get the knock out and lose. I don't even want to fight. I've given in to my surroundings. Happy to be a shadow.

And she tells me she has thyroid cancer. Her prognosis is good. Her doctor is confident. She's got undeniable faith and security in the Lord.

I think, "It really can happen to anyone. Her. HER! It could happen to me."

Back to the stance. DUH. Life is too short to roll over and take it. I'm going to keep fighting. Even if not for me, for her. Because if she can be as amazing as she is while fighting cancer, I can surely be some sort of awesome with out it.

Young Adult.

Very briefly, went to my mom's and helped her with her surgery. She's doing very well and I couldn't be happier. Then we raced off to the in law's for another wedding. We had such a great time. It really made me miss not being able to live there. At least we're close.


The title is young adult, because, I feel as though that's more the genre I'll be gearing up for. I know. I'm closer to thirty than twenty these days.

I wrote a few months ago. And wrote and wrote and wrote. And you know what stopped it?

The s-e-x scene. I didn't want it to be cheesy. I didn't want it to be something you had to fan yourself after.

I don't know. I feel like I may be more geared to finding yourself and discovering things then...banging. Ha ha.


But really. I'm not immature. I'm just.............................................................immature?

Procrastination.

It's funny how, when you decide to return to life, things happen.

My almost four year old (3 days from now!) has started school. Everyday, Monday through Friday, half days. She rides the bus. My baby, who is not exactly a baby anymore, is riding the bus. I feel as though I haven't even really begun to understand the magnitude of that statement. My child is going to school. For the next 12 years, my baby girl will be a slave to the public school system. She'll start becoming who she'll be.

Whoa.

So here I am, the mom of a preschooler, ready to write.

And I haven't done anything yet.

Not because I don't want to. But because I've been busy (excuse).

My mom's having surgery on her back, possibly within the next week, and I'm hoping I can fly out to help her for a few days. Which means leaving my girls. That stinks, and if Bob can't get off work a friend has offered very awesomely to help us out...I just hope she's fine after that haha. Everything associated with that terrifies me. My mom. Surgery. Ugh. She's so stubborn she wants to do it herself. BUT IT'S BACK SURGERY MOM.

I decided yesterday to start p90x plus and c25k...because, well. I need to.

I made a chore chart. I made an appointment for family pictures.

I had apples. Dozens and dozens of apples, that needing to be apple sauced and apple buttered and apple pied.

I also had to make cookies. Because...that's what happens when you run out of apples.



But in all seriousness, I am going to do write today.

Or I'm going to have Odin take away my hammer until I'm worthy. Save a hot chick or something.

A fictional, hot chick...

Ch-ch-chaaaaanges...

Yes, I'm aware the title is cliche. But it's the last two months in a nut shell.

The last time I wrote on this thing, Chloe wasn't even six months old. And now she's, well...She's two. And Delilah's four, starting preschool in two days.

Did I mention that we finally moved? I'm sure most of the people who read this will say "duh", but for the random blogstalker, we finally got orders out of California's armpit to the east coast.

Life has been so busy the last two years. And lately, even more so with moving and everything that comes with that. I think I just hit a lull. Why would anyone want to read anything I have to say? I've been ignoring a lot of things, and people (sorry friends). It's not even that I don't want to talk to anyone, its just that I haven't been doing anything that would even remotely warrant a text aside from the "holy cow I made this dinner and it was GREAT!"

And then, something happened.

Inspiration.

I hadn't written, really written, in I don't know, how ever many years I've been married. Here and there, nothing concrete. Then a friend passed along her book. HER BOOK. And it was good. And then another friend let me read hers. Damn. (Cough, thanks Kristy and Nina).

 And it reminded me of what I wanted to do when I sixteen. Write. So I sat down and spouted off something onto note pad, shared it with a couple friends. They said "Actually...this isn't bad." And while my story of a farmer's daughter may never reach the light of day, it's a step in the right direction. It's ten chapters further than I've written before. It's four, five, six more ideas that came along from that, that might be the ONE.

Now, I know this has nothing to do with military. Well, not really. But it still has a lot to do with everything else. Some times in life, you just get so caught up with what every one around you is doing, or growing or watching or whatever, that you don't really take the time to do what you want. I've had no one to blame but myself, and even then, maybe I don't regret it. I should have been fostering my own skills, even if just here and there, but I was watching my baby girls grow. And the grass. Well, the dirt in the desert.  But this is for me now. This is a new starting point.

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about the new base. Maybe I'll talk about an idea I'm throwing around in my head. Or maybe I'll just beat my head against the keyboard and post that. But its something.

The holidays

Its October! Which means the next few months are going to move fast!

I love the holiday season. I like to think I'm a nice person all of time, so its nice to see others doing the same.

And I especially love how people get sentimental about our troops at this time. So many people will gone for the holidays (my husband included!) and seeing others spend a second to think of them fills me with so much pride.

I love this time of year!

Delilah is two!

Yes, I am posting twice in one day. The first is a post related to what my blog is all about, dealing with the military life.

But this post...is pure celebration. My wonderful, amazing, beautiful oldest daughter turned two on the 20th. I'm so amazed at how she's grown so much and who she is growing up to be.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Family = friends

When you are a military spouse, you don't always get to be around your family. I have been so blessed to meet many spouses that I don't just consider friends, but also family. Holidays that you would normally spend along aren't so lonesome when you have people over to share a meal or some drinks. I learned in Okinawa that I LOVE entertaining. I just love people coming together and sharing thoughts, memories and laughter.

I really love staying in touch with people too. I love being some one that other people can rely on if they need it. I recently got a phone call from a friend that we knew in Okinawa for maybe the last 6 months that we were there. And it was so nice being able to talk and catch up. I love it. It was nice that after all this time, this friend came to me for advice. Its so nice to know that even though I don't have all the answers, some one still wants to hear what I have to say.

I am so thankful for Skype, not only because I get to talk to my husband and our families, but I get to stay in touch with the many wonderful friends I've made through out our travels. It helps when our actual families are so many many miles away to know that we have a pseudo family where ever we go.

Life is what happens while you're blogging...

Or rather, blogging is what doesn't happen when you're living. I swore I was going to update this once a week, and what did I do? Slacked the first 3 weeks I had it!

I was going to write about my impending trip to Phoenix, Arizona to see my mom and some good friends. But, of course everything was crazy and hectic like it is with 2 under 2. Then I was going to write when we got back, and we of course got sick. All of us.

Its funny, but I think one of our slogans as military wives is "Of course it happens when they're gone!" because it does. The very DAY Bob left my microwave tried to kill me. Then the kids seem to sense their Daddy is gone and they "attack". All hell breaks loose. This one is crying or that one is crying. All in all, it was pretty stressful.

But its not just me. I have heard countless stories of car issues, black widow scares (hell yes that's scary!), sick children, broken bones. You name it. As if we don't have enough to deal with. We have started to expect it though. And like everything else, we deal with it. We become stronger from it. What can I say? I'm bragging.